Loopy (This post includes cross stitching but is about something else). Honest.
Looping: A word coined by me to describe doing a seemingly excellent piece of cross stitch, only to find that you have left untidy knotted loops on the back. This is caused by carelessly sewing away despite the thread being a bit twisty and the only cure is (frustratingly) to unpick your work (or to pretend nothing has gone wrong whilst still KNOWING).

So anyway, I recently bought myself a blood-pressure meter...One with a cuff and everything. When it inflates is makes a lovely bzzzz and my doctor told me to get it because she wants me to test my BP from time to time, to observe how my meds are working and what pushes it up etc. My BP does tent to be lethally high at times. DREADFULLY. Like 200/100, even medicated! (Although recently it has been better).

Last week I decided to test my BP after sitting and contentedly doing my cross stitch for a good hour. I reasoned that silently cross stitching and relaxing MUST be good for me. Then Brandon came in...

BRAN: What ARE you doing?

ME: (putting on cuff) I'm going to test my blood pressure, because I've been sewing quietly and it should be nice and low. I can't talk whilst I'm doing it, that messes up the reading. And don't make me laugh. (I close my eyes and gather myself)

BRAN: Pffft, I bet it doesn't help. What the hell are you doing with your eyes shut, anyway?

ME: (Pressing the button) Imagining I'm sewing. Shut up. bzzzz

BRAN: Oooohhh...you...are...sewing. You...are...doing... cross...stitch.

ME: (bzzzz continues) Shut up.

BRAN: Oh my god...YOU'RE LOOPING MUM, YOU'RE LOOPING!!!

ME: Brandon! You little sod, SHUT UP!

BRAN: YOU'RE LOOPING!!!! YOU'RE LOOPING!!! YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE IS GOING CRAZY!!!!

ME: (Collapsing into laughter) Stoppit! I'm not supposed to laugh!

BRAN: ( almost wetting himself) OH NOOOO, WHAT WILL THE MONITOR SAY?! HOW MUCH HAS LOOPING PUSHED UP YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE?!

The bzzzz stops and the monitor tells me I am seconds from dying like a victim in the popular film "Scanners").

ME:(Still laughing hysterically) Brandon! That's evil! It'll take me ages to settle down now!

BRAN: I was helping you to pretend you were actually sewing! You're always stressing about looping!

ME: I'm going to kill you.


Needless to say, since then, every time the BP monitor goes bzzzz, I hear a little voice coming from Bran's room "Mum! You're LOOPING!", or (much worse) a little voice in my head, saying the same thing. I laugh every bloody time too, or stress myself up trying not to.

I wonder if I can get a refund.

And I wonder if I can put Brandon into care.